entiendo que estoy perdiendo todo y no me estoy quejando.

aqui estoy, ahogandome, no me deja respirar
no me deja ni llorar, aveces puedo reir
pero es solo por mi naturaleza.
rio con un nudo en la garganta,
el dolor de pensar en ustedes dos
el dolor de la ausencia de mis hijos.
no han llamado en 3 dias,
como puedes creer que estas haciendo bien, como sea lo que sea, soy un hombre,
un hombre que ama a sus hijitos
me estas castigando por que
no te diste a amar,mas de lo que mas pude ofrecerte
claro que te deje de amar, pero
nunca seria capaz de lastimarte asi
jugaste con mis ideas,
me hiciste creer cosas que no existen,
no te estoy pidiendo misericordia
ni perdon
no te esoty pidiendo nada
solo necesito expresar como me siento
y que lo provoca, me estan quitando mis hijitos poco a poco
me estan atando las manos y los pies
mas y mas, me amordazas la boca
pero mis pensamientos son mas grandes que
las palabras y siempre son
escuchados, disfruta esto que me estas haciendo
por que no va a volver a pasar jamas
yo soy la exepcion y en mi terminara todo
te perdono por que no sabes lo que estas haciendo,
no tienes idea de lo que estas cargando en tus hombros
al destruirme, mis palabras se haran verdad
y en el infinito cuando ya no este mas a tu alcance
vere como tu cara se cae de verguenza cuando te te realicez en una realidad que
no era la que pensabas,y tus errores se
presentaran ante ti uno tras otro
y vere con una mano en la sintura y otra en el culo
como te desmoronas poco por
tus mismos actos, tus realidades se juntaran
y colapsaran tus emociones con tus decepciones
y veraz como una pelicula en blanco y negro
como te dejaste llevar mas por tus decepciones y no por tus
emociones, tus decepciones
no eran suficientes para realizar los actos que realizaste,
estare viendo ahi a lo lejos del infinito donde las cosas
se pueden apresiar con una lupa gigantesca.
algun dia ese dia llegara, algun dia, mientras
aqui estoy viendo como poco a poco
las cosas van desapareciendo de mis manos
estoy decepcionado de ti,
siento que aun en esta epoca de nuestras vidas aun me he comportado
como un caballero y he jugado tus guegos y reglas
eres una persona ingreida,y vanidosa
orgullosa y muy inteligente, cuando eras real
y autentica sin preocupaciones y con muchos
sueños te veias hermosa.
que las fuerzas del universo te iluminen tu camino
aun queda algo bueno en ti.
lo unico que queria era estar con los bebesitos,ayudarte con child support, y
tratar de llevar una relacion posiva con la mamita d emis hijitos
divorcio no significa odiar
significa ser humildes para reconocer
que no sirve
tu y yo la cagamos
y llevamos entre las patas a lucio y solin
aun estamos a tiempo de solucionarlo
entre nosotros
y ser para ellos lo mejor
que buena madre puedes ser si
los estas privando de su papa, piensa eso ,
no te ciegues, eso es
un plato que no te puedes comer,
sobre aviso no hay engaño.
no se como comunicar contigo,
tu sabes yo no deje el porche asi de mal
arranque los arboles por que
tu arrancaste 2 arboles de mi corazon
solin y lucio.
espero que sepaz lo que estas haciendo
por que yo no se lo que estas haciendo
solo puedo sentir que dara resultados muy feos.
si me cortas la cabeza o no es lo de menos
lo que veo es el propio kharma de tus actos.
y me preocupa por que eres la mama de mis hijos,
ojala y las cosas fueran diferentes y tu y yo almenos podamos
vernos y hablar de los bebes y que pueda ser parte de la vida de ellos
y que pueda ayudarte, pero la realidad es
todo lo opuesto y con tantos gastos
no puedo ayudarte y no puedo hablarte ni nada
entonces es decesperante.
nunca te lastime, nunca te toque.
tu lo sabes. si me drogue fue por que me senti avandonado
y me dolio y fui debil
ahora que no tengo nada,
me arrepiento de mir errores
bien dicen que no se sabe lo que uno tiene hasta que lo pierde,
me has castigado lo suficiente como para hacerme otra persona
alguien que no se droga.
gracias.
aun que no te agradesco que no me dejas ver a mis hijos
ellos fueron lo mejor que he tenido en mi entera vida, la vida con ellos
no se compara con nada de lo que he tenido y tengo ahora ni tendre.
no te estoy pidiendo nada
ni misericordia ni perdon de nada
no te estoy pidiendo que pares
no te estoy pidiendo otra oportunidad
no te estoy pidiendo nada.
solo mi responsabilidad contigo es avisarte que estas haciendo cosas
que no deberias,y te estas metiendo
en campos que aun no conoces
y estas actuando de la manera erronea conmigo.
espero tengas un plan b por si las cosas que estas haciendo
no te salen al final como creiste.
juan carlos
mendez areu.

i see too.

is been so long since i saw both of you,is been so long since i wrote in this blog, is been so long since you and i played in the grass enjoying the sun ,running,smiling,screaming, taking pictures,exploring,is been so long since i use to have all those things, and i been punished for something i didn't , and the way i been punished is not right, and i see that for the situation i am now, i should be providing bad energy,bad toughs and i should be unhappy, but i'm not!!! and i am just watching everything,in the middle of my madness and the natural things around me, like the wind,fire,earth,watter., i am in the middle and i see different,i don't hate people i hate actions and bad behavior, i should see more my monkeys, that is for sure, i should spend more time with them, i miss them so hard,this have to stop, they have to come back to me so i can keep being their rad dad, because i always worked hard to being a rad/dad , i wish i have them more in my days and in my nites, i think about my solin and my lucio, my lil monkeys,every day in the morning i think about both of you, in my dreams are both of you,in my goals, are both of you, in my heart are both of you,i love you solin santiago, i love you lucio luna, there is something in the middle of nowhere, waiting to be see it, waiting to be taken,is time for the external reflection of my spiritual feelings.
trying to be stable i saw my self going without direction, now i don't try to be stable, i accept that my life needs more dicipline,and then doing some exercises i feel more stable without trying to be,is different in a good way.
today is the day i got horchata for solin, november 27 of 2010, 2+7= 9 solin's b-day is januay 9, so in some how today is an important day and i feel conected,this is the year of the tiger and i am alsmot to reborn in this year, i understud that good thing start happening in my life since the first second of life in the year of the tiger, my year, this is my story of my life,and my two sons, Solin Santiago Mendez Duffy and Lucio Luna Mendez Duffy.
i know who i am, and where i comming from, will never for get it.
is time to change what is wrong, is time to see in between your madness and you reality, in the middle is located more understanding than any other place.
with love for solin and lucio...my sun and my moon.
familia primero:.c/s:.p/v:.

you guys

Just made me feel I wanna be there with you guys

fast car

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way
tracy chapman:
song: fast car.


at this point of my mind is clean,clear
more toughs come in to me,
and i realize piece by piece the mistakes
i have done,in this moment of my life
where i don't feel nothing
the only point of light i see
is solin and lucio,
i respect now the way you protect
our children's.
i would do exactly the same as you,
i will protect them.
so now i understand why you doing all this
things to me.
is ok, i want to be part of their life's
i want to be their dad
and now been clean made me realize
that solin santiago and lucio luna have the best mother
for them,i can tell good job
for don't let your heart cross the line of duty
for the safest of our kids.
i don't feel sorry for anything that
i made, because if this would not happened
i will keep this weakness in my soul
i in the process of healing my heart
so i can provide stronger love
and stronger toughs to them.
i Lil bit of self love and discipline
is not an excuse my behavior
but we know it was the tension
of living in the same house
and i sad to say this
but you forgot about me
you forgot to love me, and you
forgot
you was my best friend,
that made me be who i was
but is not your fault,
it was something i needed
to fix in my soul,
no body know who to work,
and know i feel more solid and prepare
to keep living a healthy life
i feel my heart empty
but clean,with out pain
suffering or regrets.
this thing was meant to be
and i accept it.
forgive me for what i said, forgive me for
what i did. i forgive you for everything
that happened before i don't have to
forgive you for nothing
you have done to me now.
because you have to do it
for them.
than you for make me realize
where i have to be and what i have to
do.

BROKEN

Distant stars
Come in black or red
I've seen their worlds
Inside my head

They connect
With the fall of man
They breathe you in
And dive as deep as they can

There's nothing you can do for them
They are the force between
When the sunlight is arising

There's nothing you can say to him
He is in outer heart
And the space has been broken

It's Broken
Our love
Broken
It's Broken
Our love
Broken

Is it far away in the
Glitter Freeze
Or in our eyes
Every time they meet

It's by the light
Of the plasma screens
We keep switched on
All through the night while we sleep

There's nothing you can do for them
They are the force between
When the sunlight is arising

There's nothing you can say to her
I am without a heart
And the space has been broken

It's broken
Our Love
Broken
It's broken
Our Love
Broken
It's broken
Our Love
Broken
It's broken
Our Love
Broken
gorillaz:
plastic beach:
BROKEN:


when things happend and the planets and stars move in directions human kind cant
understand, the most healthyest way to become better is letting that happend.
happines in my heart, empty but ready to get fill full!!!
this year the planet sits in sagitarius constellation, is my year!!!
sagitaruis rule the world!!!

from sadness to angryness, from angryness to lovelyness

this is what happened to me,
in my heart , in my place, in my lonelyness
the only person i see is my self,
the only person who is never going to leave me alone
is my self, the only person who can
make me be stronger is my self.
i see my last life,
i see my mistakes , i could not
deal with dislove, and abandonation
but weeks ago, i thought it was your
dislove against my self and abandonation
from you to me, but i just realice that it was
dislove from me to my self,
i i forgot about me, that is what happened
to me, i wish things could become easier for us,
i understand more now,that i accepted more
things , i wish things will be diferent,
i hope so.
no matter what i will be
better this time, because i deserve to be better
for solin and lucio,
this little ones that are super cute
and super cool kids.
thank you for made me part of your life.
i going to respect that for ever
even if you and i are not together.
thank you for give me one amazing dad and one
amazing mother for 5 years.
now i dont complaining for not to have them.
now im glad even if they are not my
parents they are alive.
and my kids still have grams and gramps:.
that is awsome.
i miss them but i dont suffer them,
they are a great grand parents
leaving my old feelings from my soul
makes me feel free, free from
somekind of nature that just
made be out of my self,
and hurt me deep inside.
thank you for make
solin and lucio amazing lil mans,
and i gonna work hard to help you always
and i want to be part of their lifes.
im sorry for everything that happend
i feel very sorry and happy too.
happy to been able to see my self,
happy to figure things that i did not.
i dont feel sad anymore.

SI TU NO ESTAS AQUI.

No quiero estar sin ti
Si tu no estas aquí me sobra el aire
No quiero estar asi
Si tú no estas la gente se hace nadie

Si tú no estas aquí no sé
Que diablos hago amándote
Si tú no estas aquí sabras
Que dios no va a entender por que te vas

No quiero estar sin ti
Si tu no estas aquí me falta el sueño
No quiero andar así
Latiendo un corazón sin dueño

Si tú no estas aquí no sé

Derramaré mis sueños
si algun día no te tengo
Lo más grande se hará lo más pequeño
Pasaré un cielo sin estrellas esta vez
Tratando de entender quien hizo un infierno el paraiso
No te vayas nunca porque

No puedo estar sin ti
Si tú no estas aquí me quema el aire

Si tú no estas no sé
Si tú no estas aquí
dedicado a ti:
sin bandera
SI TU NO ESTAS AQUI.

Yo se que sali mucho,y que eso no estaba bien
No estaba bien por que tome mucho, se que
Llegue muy tarde y no hay escusa por eso.
Pero atras de las cortinas de mis actos me senti abandonado
Por ti, me senti perdido en una vida que no era la mia
Y me senti olvidado, los dos jalamos la cuerda en direccion
Opuesta,pero la verdad de las cosas es que tu abandono
Y desamor de dolio tanto que bebi alcohol para llenar un vacio
Muy. Profundo.un vacio que estaba sangrandome,
Desconfianza y enojo me deshubicaron de mi track real.
Ese camino que soliamos caminar juntos,sacrifique mucho en
Mi vida y tu no lo tomaste en cuenta solo te enojo
Mi dolor. Te enojo mi sufrimiento y mi felicidad la cortaste
De raiz.ahora tengo un corazon que late sin dueno,
Un corazon que tenia tanto por ofrecer y ahora
Es solo amor marchito, amor que dolia,curiosamente
Cuando no te tengo me convierto en alguien diferente.
En alguien mejor, es mi naturaleza.
He sufrido tanto por todo esto, pero no es la primera
Vez que sufro asi.y no es la primera vez que me levanto
En pie y evoluciono.para ti tal vez sea un impacto muy grande
Para mi no lo es, se que hacer en estas situaciones,se como
Renacer y convertirme en algo mejor.
Algo que debi aprender desde hace mucho tiempo
Es ser mas valiente en enfrentar el desamor.
Debi de haberte dejado desde hace mucho tiempo,
No debi dejar mi ser cerca de alguien que no
Me ama.
Cometi errores pero almenos soy valiente y caballero
En aceptarlo y en ser mejor persona.
Tal vez tenias tanto que aprender de mi y tus medos e inseguridades
No te permitieron aprender de alguien como yo.
No te conviertas en tu madre. Ella no se tienta
El corazon para cortar cabezas. Lo hiso con
Su propia sangre.te privo de tu abuelita , te estas
Convirtiendo en ella.
No lo deseo para ti, cuidar y proveer no es amor
Es solo diciplina, no estoy tirando mierda es solo la
Verdad, una madre que adopta un hijo
Y ama de verdad no puede dejar de ser madre jamas
De esa persona, entiendo que tu papa
Te defienda pues creo que es la primera vez en su vida
Que se porta como padre,y si para su edad
Tu padre cree que por primera vez en su vida
sirve en tu vida y necesita defenderte atacandome, esta
Bien lo dejo sentirse humano y realizado como padre
Y si para eso necesita cortarme en piezas ofendiendome
Y provocandome para tener la razon de decir que apesto
Esta bien .que lo haga., lo que el no sabe es que
Yo soy mas padre que el, y no lograra nada de mi, lo
Dejo molestarme y picarme como una navaja en el corazon.
Si necesitan esto para sentirce realizos
Ok. Aqui estoy, puedo ver tus ojitos y mi corazon se
Llena de tristeza,por que te xtrano,mucho
Pero ya no te lloro, te rezo para que estes bien
Y encuentres tu propia felicidad.
Dentro de ti, eres buena persona y estoy lleno de admiracion
Por ti de los mas maravilloso recuerdos por ti.
Creo que no tendre una amiga como tu.
Creo que no tendre a nadie como tu.
Estoy triste de ver que talvez termines siendo como tu
Mama. Y en ese caso soy muy feliz de no estar a tu lado
Lejos de ellos eres diferente.
Eres como solin,lucio y yo.
Se que jamas regresas a mi lado
Por que no sientes amor por mi.
Y aun que lo sientas se que tu madre
Te dejaria de hablar asi como
Lo hiso con su propia madre.y
Le tienes tanto miedo a eso.
El dia que no esten estaras sola con tus hijos
Y ellos creceran y se hiran y yo queria
Estar a tu ladito para cuidarte en ese momento.
Personalme.
en mis fiestas el vacio nunca se lleno lo
Hiso peor.ahora lo se
Perdoname con mi corazon que late ahora
A mil por hora por alguien que ya no esta
Aqui.
Juan c.

why?

you forgot the same as i did,

MARRIAGE

you were born together, and together you
shall be forevermore.
you shall be together when the white
wings of death scatter your days.
ay, you shall be together even in the
silent memory of GOD.
but let there be spaces in your togetherness,
and let the winds of the heavens dance
between you.
love one another, but make not a bond
of love:
let it rather be a moving sea between
the shores of your souls.
fill each other's cup but drink not from
one cup.
give one another of your bread but eat
not from the same loaf.
sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver the same music.
give your hearts, but not into each
other's keeping.
for only the hand of life can contain
your hearts.
and stand together yet not too near
together:
for the pillars of the temple stand apart,
and the oak tree and the cypress grow
not in each other's shadow.
AUTOR: KAHLIL GIBRAN
BOOK: THE PROFET.

THE MOST TRULY CONCEPT OF LOVE I EVER SEEING IN MY LIFE

in base of this book im ruling my life since now:.
When love beckons to you, follow him,
though his ways are hard and steep.
And when is wings enfold you yield to him,
though the sword hidden among his
pinions may wond you.
And when he speaks to you belive in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
for even as love crowns you shall he
crucify you. Even as he is for your growth
so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and
caresses your tenderest branches that quiver
in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and
shake them in their clinging to the earth.
like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto
himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
he sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
he kneads you untill you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred
fire, that you may become sacred bread for
GOD's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your
heart, and in that knowledge become a
fragment of Life's heart.
but if in your fear you would seek only
love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover
your nakedness and pass out of love's
threshing-floor,
into the seasonless world where you
shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
love gives naught but itself and takes
naught but from itself.
Love posses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
"GOD is in my heart," but rather, " I am
in the heart of GOD".
And think not you can direct the course
of love, for love,if it finds you worthy,
directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil
itself.
But if you love and most needs have
desires,let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook
that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
to be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to blend willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
and give thanks for another day of Loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate
love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the
beloved in your heart and song of praise
upon your lips.
from the book: THE PROPHET
BY: KAHLIL GIBRAN.

7 vidas como un gato 7 dias pa soñar

en mis noches te soñe
en mis sueños te encontre
7 dias de olvido
7 lagrimas del corazon
es que no te tengo aqui
es que no me siento aya
en mi soledad estoy perdido
sin direccion y orientacion
en mi destierro me mori
y ahora soy un hombre nuevo
lo unico que tengo es mi corazon
lleno de amor pa ti!
lleno de lagrimas por mi
7 dias pa soñar
7 dias pa olvidar
es que no te tengo aqui
es que no me siento aya.
perdido en mi olvido
encuentro mis recuerdos
en mi olvido
el sol y la luna me acompañan
en mi olvido ya no soy yo
en mi destierro supe que te amo
es que te amo mas que nunca
es que te amo mas que ayer.
letra:
juan carlos mendez areu

this is why i say , if you wanna know what happend listen to her and then call me and ask me my version.and then get a wide opinion of what is real.

from an amazing book!!!
Well-meaning friends and family
Oddly enough, some of the people nearest and dearest to you are part of the problem. This is not to say that they don't have your best interest at heart. They do. They love you. They can't stand to see you in pain. More than anyone, they know you and know how much you deserve happiness in your life. Their caring is genuine. Why then, do I say that your loved ones can be misdirecting you?

The Biased Shoulder
When you share your unhappiness with loved ones, what they hear is your side of the story, and your side only. Even though your feelings about your spouse and marriage are valid, they are, nonetheless, biased. Needless to say, if your spouse were in on the conversation, the story about your marriage would take a not-so-slight different turn. But the people who love you don't care about objectivity; they want you to feel better. Although this makes perfect sense, the end result is that the people in whom you are confiding, offer potentially life-changing advice without a complete set of facts. If you follow that advice, you may create an even bigger rift in your marriage. Let me give you an example of how this works.

Sue was miserable in her marriage. She felt that she and her husband, Jeff, had completely grown apart. Sue decided to talk to her sister, Ann, about her situation. Sue told Ann that she was really upset about how things had changed in her marriage. When she and Jeff got married, she explained, they were crazy about each other. They did everything together, spent hours talking, weekends doing fun things, and sex was great. They were best friends. As Sue recalled these memories, she cried. Ann's heart went out to Sue to see her in such pain. Ann asked Sue to tell her more about what had been troubling her. Through her tears, Sue filled in the blanks.

She said that Jeff had turned into a completely different man from the one she married. He worked a great deal and when he was home, he showed little interest in talking or being with her. On weekends, he occupied himself with projects or watching sports on television. When Sue approached Jeff about her feelings, Jeff responded coldly, "Why are you always hassling me?" Sue tried to get through to Jeff and tell him how much his distance was hurting her, but Jeff seemed to withdraw even more.

Jeff's insensitivity to her feelings made Sue angry and hurt. She stopped cooking for him, doing his laundry, trying to engage him in conversation and even refused his advances to be intimate. In short, things went from bad to worse. Now, instead of just being distant, Jeff had become critical and unpleasant, never passing up an opportunity to say or do something to hurt Sue's feelings. Sue couldn't understand why Jeff had become such a "jerk," especially since all she wanted was a closer relationship.

Upon hearing Sue's rendition of their marital interactions, Ann immediately came to her defense. "I can't believe he's acting this way! This isn't the same Jeff I used to know. What do you think is going on with him?" For the next half-hour, they hypothesized the possible causes of Jeff's ugly behavior- an affair, depression, a mid-life crisis or perhaps just bad genes from his father. Although they were uncertain as to the real reason Jeff had transformed into the unlikable man Sue had portrayed him to be, there was a consensus that Jeff was to blame for Sue's unhappiness. Ann consoled Sue. She hugged her and told her that she "would be there for her anytime she was needed". Ann also offered a few suggestions- counseling, giving Jeff an ultimatum, a trial separation- and Sue said she would consider her ideas. Sue thanked Ann for her support and understanding. She felt so much better.

Sue did follow through with Ann's suggestion to give Jeff an ultimatum. "Either you change, or I'm leaving," she warned him. But Jeff did not change. Her threat angered him and he became even colder. In the weeks that followed, Sue regularly sought comfort in Ann's friendship. Sue complained, Ann commiserated. Although Sue felt validated by Ann's feedback, it did little in the way of helping her find solutions to her marital problems. As time passed and nothing improved, Sue's despair grew, as did Ann's determination to encourage her sister to leave her marriage. "You've tried everything," Ann told her, "It's time to throw in the towel."

From Sue's one-sided story, it's easy to see how Ann arrived at this conclusion. Sue appears to be the spouse who is working on the marriage while Jeff is the inconsiderate, unloving spouse. From Sue's story, one could easily get the impression that she has been wronged for years by Jeff's selfishness. But before you jump to conclusions, let me allow you to eavesdrop on Jeff's conversations with his lifelong buddy, John. Jeff is a very private person and, though he rarely opens up with friends and family, his unhappiness with Sue prompted him to discuss his marriage with John.

He told John that he was frustrated and angry at Sue. All she ever did was nag and nag and nag. Nothing he did ever seemed good enough. She asked for help in the kitchen and when he cleaned it, the only comment he heard was, "I can't believe the way you loaded the dishwasher, it's so sloppy," or "You forgot to wipe off the counters." All Jeff heard was criticism, never appreciation. So, after a while he just stopped trying.

A married man himself, John knew that their relationship problems didn't happen overnight, so he asked about the circumstances leading up to their current situation. Jeff was unclear as to the causes of their problems, but he felt that Sue had bailed out on him as a partner long ago. "When we met, she was fun to be with. We went to sporting events, out to dinner, we socialized with friends, and had common interests. We golfed, played tennis, and biked all the time. We both loved the outdoors." But Sue stopped showing interest in their activities together. She seemed more interested in her job, church activities, friends, talking on the phone and going shopping. Sometimes she would stay on the phone with her girlfriends or her mother the entire evening! "But the biggest change in Sue," Jeff said, "is that she never wants to have sex, and it's been that way for a very long time. That definitely bothers me the most."

Jeff went on to explain how hurt and angry he felt because of Sue's constant rejection. "I don't know what's with her. She used to love sex. We had a great sexual relationship. I always prided myself about how connected we were physically. But now she's never in the mood. She's got a headache, she's mad at me, she's too busy, it's the wrong time of month… It got to the point where there never seemed to be the right time." He told John that Sue's cold shoulder had taken its toll; he felt a low-grade anger whenever he was in her presence. He admitted to being irritable lately and snapping at Sue fairly often. He was hoping that at some point Sue, the woman who used to be his best friend and lover, would, just once, reach out to him and be affectionate. Instead, all he ever got was criticism.

After hearing Jeff's dilemma, John said, "Sounds really tough. Sue used to be so good to you. I wonder what's up with her. Maybe her hormones are running amuck. I heard about some women with hormone imbalances losing interest in sex. You ought to check it out. Sorry to hear you're having problems." Then he suggested that Jeff do something to spice his sex life up a bit. "Get a bottle of wine, buy a sexy nightgown and make her a candlelight dinner. Stay at a nice hotel next weekend. Tell her you want to be closer physically."

A few days later, Jeff approached Sue with the idea of a little romantic weekend getaway. Sue didn't seem too interested. Jeff made a comment about not being intimate anymore and Sue bit his head off. "Of course we're not intimate! You don't expect me to want to have sex with you when our relationship stinks, do you?" Jeff replied, "Have you ever thought about the fact that our relationship stinks because you don't want to have sex anymore?" This chicken-or-egg argument played like a broken record for weeks before the couple decided to split.

Imagine how Ann or John might have reacted differently had they heard "the whole story". Instead of thinking Jeff was a jerk, Ann might have had more compassion. She might have realized that Jeff wasn't the villain Sue made him out to be; that he was feeling rejected and hurt. With this in mind, Ann might have suggested that Sue do things that would help Jeff feel more connected to her such as go biking or hiking together, or being more playful and affectionate. There's no question that Jeff wasn't handling his hurt feelings in the best way, but unfortunately, that often happens in relationships. Instead of sharing openly about feelings of vulnerability, some people lash out. When relationships are working properly, partners are often able to see beyond the anger and address the hurt beneath it. Since Ann was totally in the dark about Jeff's feelings about the marriage, her suggestion- give him an ultimatum- was bound to fail.

Had John heard Sue's side of things, he might have understood that for Sue, the prerequisite for being close physically is emotional closeness and that Sue and Jeff had not been close for some time. He might have suggested that Jeff spend more time talking and paying attention to her, and being her friend. It's easy to see how John's well-meaning advice- spice up your sex life- fell flat on its face.

SI YO FUERA MARADONA:.

Si yo fuera Maradona
viviria como el
si yo fuera Maradona
frente a cualquier porteria

si yo fuera Maradona
nunca me equivocar a
si yo fuera Maradona
perdido en cualquier lugar.

La vida es una tombola...
de noche y de dia...
la vida es una tombola
y arriba y arriba....

Si yo fuera Maradona
viviria a con el
...mil cohetes... mil amigos
y lo que venga a mil por cien...

si yo fuera Maradona
saldria en mundovision
para gritarle a la FIFA
Que ellos son el gran ladron!

La vida es una tombola...
de noche y de dia...
la vida es una tombola
y arriba y arriba....

Si yo fuera Maradona
vivira a como el
porque el mundo es una bola
que se vive a flor de piel

Si yo fuera Maradona
frente a cualquier porteria
nunca me equivocaria a...

Si yo fuera Maradona
y un partido que ganar
si yo fuera Maradona
perdido en cualquier lugar...

La vida es una tombola
de noche y de dia...
la vida es una tombola
y arriba y arriba....

the most falling down in my life is the highest mountain i climbed .
if im falling down now im climbing , because when you fall down you see who you are,i see who i am and i am a good person!!!
HUNAB KU
song: tombola
artist: manu chao

renuncio a mi mismo y me entrego a algo mas grande aun que ya sea tarde y todo este perdido

SI ME DAS A ELEJIR (me quedo contigo)
artist: manu chao
Si me das a elegir
Entre tÚ y mis ideas
Que yo sin ellas
Soy un hombre perdido

Si me das a elegir
Entre tú y la gloria
Pa que hable la historia de mi
Por los siglos

Si me das a elegir
Entre tú y ese cielo
Donde libre es el vuelo
Para llegar a otros nidos

Si me das a elegir
Me quedo contigo

Pues me enamorado
Y te quiero y te quiero
Y solo deseo
Estar a tu lado
Soñar con tus ojos
Besarte los labios

Si me das a elegir
Entre tÚ y mis ideas
Que yo sin ellas
Soy un hombre perdido

Si me das a elegir
Me quedo contigo

Pues me enamorado
Y te quiero y te quiero
Y solo deseo
Estar a tu lado
Soñar con tus ojos
Besarte los labios

Si me das a elegir
Entre tú y la gloria
Pa que hable la historia de mi
Por los siglos

Si me das a elegir
Me quedo contigo

Si me das a elegir
Entre tÚ y mis ideas
Que yo sin ellas
Soy un hombre perdido

Si me das a elegir
Me quedo contigo

Pues me enamorado
Y te quiero y te quiero
Y solo deseo
Estar a tu lado
Soñar con tus ojos
Besarte los labios

Si me das a elegir
Entre tú y la gloria
Pa que hable la historia de mi
Por los siglos

Si me das a elegir
Me quedo contigo

Pues me enamorado
Y te quiero y te quiero
Y solo deseo
Estar a tu lado
Soñar con tus ojos
Besarte los labios
Sentirme en tus brazos
Que soy muy feliz

Si me das a elegir
Entre tÚ y mis ideas
Que yo sin ellas
Soy un hombre perdido

Si me das a elegir
Entre tú y ese cielo
Donde libre es el vuelo
Para llegar a otros nidos
erin:.
se muy bien por lo que estas pasando y entiendo tus motivos para no estar juntos,lo respeto, entiendo que necesitas hacer esto para estar tranquila y para estar saludable,se que es tarde ya, lo entendi tarde,y si mi cabeza se tiene que cortar para que la madre de mis hijos este a salvo , esta bien, me sacrifico yo,solo quiero decirte que eramos una familia bien bonita y comprar la casa fue muy prematuro,pero no me quisiste escuchar, fue mucho estres y mucho trabajo y olvidamos nuestro amor, te pido perdon si algo te hice ,solo quise amarte,mi tristeza no da para mas,pero el amor por solin y lucio me ha hecho otro hombre, fuimos nosotros,aun que yo hubiera arreglado mis errores a tiempo no se si tu hubieses hecho lo mismo, aun que yo haya arreglado mis errores si tu no arrelabas los tuyos estariamos en la misma situacion pero yo tendria menos culpa, o vise versa ,no arreglamos nuestros errores y aqui estamos,en medio de la nada.
cuidate mucho tu eres la familia mas hermosa que he tenido en mi vida,solo el recuerdo de algo hermoso,un amor marchitado que solo florecera con sangre de inosente,no voy a sacrificar a nuestros hijos me sacrifico yo.por amor a la familia que eramos.
FAMILIA PRIMERO Y JUNTOS LOS 4 POR VIDA Y MUERTE. has lo que tengas que hacer para ser feliz ,estable,saludable y sabia para la vida que te espera.
perdoname por todos mis errores por que yo ya te perdone por todo lo que ha pasado y ya te perdone por todo lo que me vas a hacer.
jc.

since the first second of your life:.dedicado a mi LUCIO LUNA

What is a youth?
Impetuous fire.
What is a maid?
Ice and desire.
The world wags on

A rose will bloom,
it then will fade
So does a youth.
So does the fairest maid.

Comes a time when one sweet smile
Has its season for awhile
Then Love’s in love with me

Some may think only to marry.
Others will tease and tarry.
Mine is the very best parry,
Cupid he rules us all.

Caper the caper; sing me the song
Death will come soon to hush us along
Sweeter than honey and bitter as gall,
Love is a task and it never will pall.
Sweeter than honey and bitter as gall,
Cupid he rules us all.

(20 second flute interlude)

A rose will bloom, it then will fade.
So does a youth.
So does the fairest maid.
artist: nino rota
what is a youth song.
from the 1968 romeo and juliet.
i sang this song to you since the first time in your life when your mamita was very sick, i took care of you all the time, i was scare to loose her, so i sang this song for her too,in silence.this song calm your soul and gave you strength.
te amo lucio luna.

hijo , eres un ser bien hermoso,eres un muñeco bien hecho, tu felicidad me llena mi corazon de compasion,y humildad,tu sonrrisa ilumina mis sueños y me hace soñar con una vida mejor, por eso estoy trabajando muy duro por ti y solincito,quiero que ustedes estes bien, debes confiar en tu hermano , el es el mejor hermano mayor que te pudiste encontrar,se que lo sabes por que los escojiste a el antes de nacer para ser tu hermano maestro, eres muy fuerte y aun en la obscuridad tu sonrrisa brilla como la luna en las noches,tu felicidad irradia buena energia, siempre confia en tu intuicion tu y solin la tienen natural, esa es la HERENCIA de mi madre tu abuelita que en el cielo los cuida, como una leona cuida sus hijitos, desde el cielo ella comprate un espacio cerca de ti a un lado de la luna,muchas gracias por existir en mi vida , solo te pido aguantes un poquito mas las advercidades que estas pasando en este momento,deseo que las cosas no fueran asi, y tengo culpa en esto , pero jamas debes dejar de soñar por una mejor vida!!!!
te amo luna
yo soñe que la luna nunca se rendia,
ASI ES LUCIO LUNA.tu no te rindes somos sangre de grandes!!!
never forget it!!

KALABERA NO LLORA:. a mi hijo solin

calavera no llora
serenata de amor
calavera no llora
no tiene corazon
calavera no llora
serenata de amor
soñe otro mundo tan lejos y tan cerca
soñe otro viaje cuatro caminos cinco destinos
soñe la risa soñe la ilusion
soñe otro mundo
soñe menos joda
soñe una mañana que
al fin se podia
soñe de un amor de noche y de dia
soñe la fortuna soñe la alegria
soñe de la luna que no se rendia
y que a mi gato le decia
calavera no llora
serenata de amor
calavera no llora
no tieñe corazon
soñe sin guerra
soñe sin temores
soñe sin vallas
soñe sin palizas
soñe una faena que nunca se acaba
soñe una verbena que siempre otra vez
calavera no llora
serenata de amor
calavera no llora
no tiene corazon
soñe al trabajar
soñe hasta enfermar
tan lejos y tan cerca
pacifico soñe tus olas
tan lejos y tan cerca
siempre toca llegar
calavera no llora
serenata de amor
siempre toca llegar
soñe una cancion que ningun cabron haya escrito ya
soñe un callejon grito libertad
soñe una salida que no suena a huida
soñe que tu coche detiene la noche
soñe tu aliento
soñe la pradera
soñe hasta gritar
calavera no llora
serenata de amor
calavera no llora
soñe otro mundo
soñe conseguirlo
lo consegui soñando
soñe al despertar
calavera no llora
tan lejos y tan cerca
calavera no llora
tan lejos y tan cerca
siempre toca llegar
calavera no llora
serenata de amor
siempre toca llegar
calavera no llora
MANU CHAO.
SONG TITLE: soñe otro mundo.
te dedico esta cancion por que quiero que jamas pierdas la esperanza de vivir una vida buena y plena, se que las cosas estan muy diferentes para ti y tu hermanito, pero tienes que ser fuerte para que lunita se alimente de tu fuerza solar.te dedico esta cancion por que aun que esta realidad es dificil ahora para nosotros 4, yo sueño en que las cosas sean diferentes, no pierdo la fe hijito,no pierdo mi camino, no pierdo mi amor por ti,eres mi maestro y gracias a tus sabias palabras me he descubierto mas a mi,gracias a tu grandiosa sabiduria me encuentro mas a mi mismo.me siento mas fuerte por que tengo que ser mas fuerte para calmar tu dolor.y desaparecer tus dudas.
eres mi mentor, eres quien me hace ser lo que soy, tu solin santiago con tu amor y tu amistad me hacen sentir seguro y protejido, te amo como un hermano,te amo como un padre,te amo como un amigo, te amo como mi mama me amo a mi:.
en una pelicula la prueba final es sacrificar sangre inosente,en este caso tus dudas son eternas y 6 horas de tu existencia sin mi son mil años, no puedo sacrificar tu existencia y tu sangre junto con la de lunita,no puedo, renuncio a mi re nuncio a mi existencia y dedico mi sangre a cambio.
siempre te amare hijito:.me has hecho mas fuerte con solo 4 palabras, TE VEO CUANDO PUEDO.
en esas 4 palabras tienes mesclados los 4 elementos de la creacion, fuego,agua,aire,tierra.
eres mago,eres sabio,eres SOL.
ch:.

ME LLAMAN EL LOKO:. LA/MAT:. El loco es representacion de Dionisio o Baco, dios del Vino, según algunas barajas es el arcano 22, en otras el 0. Ese cero se debe a que uno de los significados de esta carta es que uno se puede meter en situaciones sin sentido que llevan a los mismo, un círculo, lo infinito. Esto le confiere una relacion entre el espacio tiempo que el resto de las cartas no tienen.
El loco suele ser una persona joven o inconsciente, que no suele meditar sus decisiones y que actua de manera cafre, impulsiva, visceral, no se deja halagar facilmente y va donde sopla el viento, puesto que nada le ata y es un espíritu libre. Ojo, que no toma a nadie en serio, pero tampoco es tomado en serio por los demás. Y eso le complica mucho las relaciones.
El loco atesora conocimientos que nadie tiene, que nadie sabe, y sobre todo, la tristeza del incomprendido. El loco va a vestido de bufón, el único que podía reirse del rey, el único que podia hacer chistes y bailar, el que más sabia de la corte, y el que nos acerca a la libertad más que nadie. El loco abraza la energía, la siente y la vive, pero se pierde en su busqueda y a veces se pierde en el vacio absoluto. SIEMNPRE ESTA CARGANDO UNA MOCHILA en el que se guardan los 4 elementos universales: fuego, tierra, aire y agua. Eso implica que está cerca del origen y final de todo, del big bang y del juicio El baston es un simbolo de la conexion entre el cielo y la tierra, siempre que veamos uno, lo valoraremos asi, es el eje del mundo y un símbolo de autoridad, aqui, de la autoridad del conocimiento del loco.
Como vemos, el loco tiene el culo fuera del pantalón (risas varias)... sí, amigos, a alguien se le ha olvidado subirse las enaguas, bien, esto nos habla de un despojo de los bienes materiales, el loco no valora lo material, solo lo que necesita para ser. Así mismo, es un simbolo de candor y pureza, es un ser inocente y todos le toman el pelo y se rien de él.
Nuestro loco va con un perro, que habla de las potencias instintivas de las personas, de la fidelidad a las creencias, a la lealtad y a las fuerzas cósmicas. En este caso, el Perro también simboliza el ego, como ven, el hombre va seguido del perro, y la persona de su ego, si fuera al revés, esto sería terrible, porque hablariamos de alguien orgulloso. Como vemos, el ego a veces se representa como un perro que llama la atención, incluso muerde al loco, pero es solo por llamar la atención. Este personaje no tiene vanidad y la interpretación la veremos libre de orgullo.The letter from the fool is the first in the tarot of Marseille, but the number is zero, which somehow allows you to be outside the actual sequence. The number zero seems almost dancing with the opposites (alpha-omega, man-gods). It is a roaming archetype derived by the soul as a nomad, is therefore a principle of instinctive movement, "crazy", as opposed to all sedentary nature of consciousness, any accommodation of the ego. Can be defined negatively, as the other side of the sovereign, secular counterpart, a court jester is able to blend in with the "sulfur vulgi" from the crowd.Sometimes it can be seen as the "spy" of the king. It is, ultimately, a figure that pushes life spontaneously, bypassing the protections conscious and conservative (so it is an archetype studded especially in the youth of the hero). The madman is close to the raw or original chaos and, as evidenced by their colorful dress, lives close to the festive and carnival. For its ethos adventurous and spontaneous, the loco has a double dimension: on the one hand invites the release of creative energy, but can also deviate from the path and become tramps North (St. Paul: "we are crazy (but) by the cause of Christ "). The left side represents the past crazy, loads, constraints, lives, people you already know, the less evolved than him, the part of the road already traveled. The head represents the present, today, now. Finally, the gesture to the right refers to the future, the road not yet traveled, people still do not know, those more evolved than what he or she still remains to be learned.You can also referisre integration of a disability or lack of objectivity. The Fool "The Fool" is the virtue of seeing the environment in a different way, open mind, easy to invent stories or stories (without reference to the lie), creative ability.

The Three Stooges

we are like water, we fit in any shape,we love each other, they are my son and my moon on my existence!!!!

NOSTALGIA:

depeche mode is been in my life since my mother died, and because of this music i understud that music makes me happy even if life and reality are choping me in pieces, i am not gonna leave music,i love you solin,i love you lucio!!

my sol and my moon of my real life!! the life and love i keep in our hearts:.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUhRusVu-Bs

IN BETWEEN REALITY AND BEEN REAL:

in my reality i don't see my kids like before,in my reality i use to to have a life with a wife ,house,car,even i got another father and after 15 years since my mother passed away, i got another mother miss. jo , my new parents always showed me kindness and love and respect for the way i live, free,artist,funny, in my reality they are not my parents anymore,in my reality they don't love me anymore, in my heart i keep my self real, i don't let reality lie to me and makes me be what i suppose to be in this reality a fool,looser .

in my heart they don't know i am still loving them and i pray for them, in my real heart i keep, in my memory every second they spend in my life for over 5 years,that is why we have to trust in our heart because in my real heart i have real love for them , and i don't have anything to forgive them, they haven't do anything wrong to me, i understand they are not looking the real heart, and they see just how unhappy was my wife next to me, and even if they think i am a bad person, because they just see her pain and suffering, they don't see how much we still love to each other,they don't understand her unhappiness, and they feel is my fault, its ok, in my heart we hurt each other for not been real and accept us just like we are, if that would happen we would still together,that is why even in my reality i don't have my new parents in my heart they will be there for ever,because i see them with love , that love that a father feel for their children's,i feel friendly love too, that love that makes you laugh, in my  heart i keep my memories they are there,fresh like yesterday. i am so sorry for not been able to make your daughter happy, she wasn't happy since the first day i came to America,she cry ed she doesn't like her job,(IN THE FIRST DAY AT L/49) she get hurt every time we made love,she cry ed scare for feeling weird things like having me but not close to her, (SHE DID NOT LET ME GET CLOSE FISICLY)what happened to us was, i let her make ME unhappy so she could see she is not the only one unhappy, that makes her not to feel lonely,and even with the amazing happy moments we had from our childrens my parents never saw how sad i was ,because i did not see my brothers and sister like i wish, they did not see what i need, they provide me what they tough what i needed, and as always i appreciated just the intention to make me happy in their way, and forgive them the fact they did not see what i need,now they are mad at me, and i miss them, in my heart i remember my birth day, i still miss my mothers food(gringo food)she always feed me and i do appreciated, my advice to my parents is:

DEAR MOM,AND DAD:

if your daughter married someone,if she is not happy after 5years you guys should listen her and then call me and ask me what is going on, because even if we don't get together never listen the two side is gonna give you a wide knowledge about how to keep your daughter happy and pain free,now you giving her support a 100000% you just are feeding her pain.and not listening me my version is gonna make you guys live a lie.

i love both of you, I'm not perfect but i do loved Erin.

i need to explain  that i did not did anything wrong opening the porch and you guys know i did not leave the doors like that, and for the record, the trees i broke suppose to be Erin and i, they were our tree, and when she told me i don't belong to my own house i took those trees that symbolise our marriage, i apologize for been  a dimensional symbol of the relationship between two consecutive orthogonal systems.  what i did was i took what belong to me!!!!

i did never touched her,aggressive, we fought like any other couple,she is very sensitive like a flower, i try ed to help her but the way i am bothers her, and you guys never saw that either. now you guys don't see the real thing because you don't know my side, so you been living a lie life with Erin where you think you know her , and honestly i know her more than anybody, that bothers her too.

I'm sorry for been such a pain in the ass for both of you,(who son doesnt do that?) I'm sorry you guys don't respect me, and i so sorry more than anything for your dis love.

i love you guys and i always gonna have amazing mind picture of us.

your ex son:.

juan carlitos :)

SOL Y LUNA

my sol and my luna are my best creation made with the perfect formula in between the mother of my childrens and i.

solin santiago is my first son and lucio luna is my second and last one. in this days i see life like a film, where i am the principal actor,and the director and the productor, the investor and this is my best show.......... THE REAL LOVE.

i call it like this because human kind like to divide everythingand in fact they divide love, in sections,.some love are mean and just hurt, some others let someone to hurt us ,just because i belived on someone who told us whe are not worthed.

so then looking to humand kind issues, (means that we suck about love).when is about real love is a kind of love we are not used to it, for then we dont apreciated when we have real love in life. the love i feel for my kids is real, the love i feel for my brothers and systers is real love, the kind of love that makes you grow just been next to someone who love us for real, 

LOVE FOR REAL MEANS. means that is some of us makes a mistake is fare enough because instead fight the mistakes we should fix the issue, is simple.when is about real love is when we have a problem give it the solution but in a fare judgement , when you dont see rason. when you see truth. then with out rason and with truth, we can see how good was before and why is not working properly . we will be able to see where is the fixable issue, cuz every issue is fixable, if you fix it with real love. without rason judgement.

with all those toughts in my mind now. i just can see my life with my kids. and i gonna try to fight with real love for them. life is hard sometimes but this moments is when you decide to keep been what you are ot become better person true pain, is like alquimist transform rocks into gold, change the bad feeling into something good.change bad toughts into good wishes,i cant tell is not easy but it is simple.so here i am , numb, i remember my other lifes, and my last life was full of love from my kids and week in other branches, i tryed to do psicomagia to cure andi got into troubles,so i realice life put me in the place i deserve, and for now i deserve this, to be by my self, with my kids,in my life i have to grow more if i wanna be where i dream i wanna be, but i think i am working hard to reach that goal. 

fight with love is not to fight for what hurt to us in this moment, fight with love means, to think in the good moments when life was awsome, the to see how good that person can be too,cuz it was good before is good now too.with a real judgement when can say why things changed and when, and decide  the most fare veredict.

is universal. that humand kind have to start love eachother and help eachother to become better!!!

namaste:. for solin and lucio.im here i think on you every second,every sun every moon,i have you .both of you in my heart,im my toughts in my words,every day every tattoo, every step in my life i carrie you guys with me!!!!

we are ok!!!  trust me!!!

for ever your father!!!

juan carlos mendez areu   alias

loko machetero dj tiezzo:.